Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Phantom Kicks

I can feel them from time to time. When I lay down they jumpstart my memory; little movements in the night. These phantom kicks bring you back to me for a moment. I know that it's not you Frost, because I felt them after Hadley was born also. But if I let my mind wander I get that time back. That time that was such a short distance from now was a time of happiness for me. I hope that it was for you too. How will I ever know?
Since you died inside of me, I have wondered many things. Mostly, I have wondered if my womb is haunted by your little soul. I'm scared to even mention it, but it crosses my mind daily. Houses become haunted by those who cannot move on. You never lived in a house you only lived in my body. Did you move on to a new place, or have you remained with me? I know that a part of you has stayed with my thoughts. I wonder if I am ever pregnant again, if your spirit will keep the new baby company. Will you help to keep your little brother or sister strong? Your beauitful soul is good and I want you to be where you are happiest. Where you can grow and shine. I want you to be protected. I want you to be free.
Night, night Frost
Mama loves you.

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