Friday, January 29, 2010

Curtain Peeker

I had a doctor's appointment today. It's a little hard to go to the office because that is where we first learned that you didn't have a heart beat. I go there and sit, they don't make me wait very long. I like my doctor, she answers my worries, she is real. I ask her about being pregnant again. If it will be safe, we have to see what the tests say. There will be precautions taken no matter what. We know things now. I tell her that we will wait until our hearts are ready. But I should ask you Frost. I should ask you if it is okay if I have another baby. You should have a say whether or not we hold another little life. I hope you know that if the time arrives when my belly is full again that your place with us is safe. Your life changed our lives in so many ways. You touched us more than anyone else could. I think I'll know that when my heart is ready that means that you have said, "Okay, it's okay you need a baby, I'll send you the perfect one."
I have always been one to look out of windows. I'm just drawn to them. I would stare out of the glass at birds, neighbors and falling rain. I could spot stranger cats chasing down baby rabbits, and neighborhood kids hitting eachother and laughing. I would look out the window and see things that needed to change, but I never went outside to tend to the things myself. I left things the way they were or waited for someone else to fix it. I always watch from behind the glass. When you left us Frost, you left a door open. I'm pretty sure that your Mama is getting ready to walk through it.
Night, night Frost
Mama loves you.

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