Friday, February 19, 2010

Leaving Winter

Today the rain wasn't frozen. Today was warmer. I have been wishing for Spring, now I don't know. I didn't feel the usual delight that comes with the arrival of my favorite season. The little taste of Spring today wasn't enough. I thought that leaving winter would help me leave some of the pain behind. It would physically; the cold, the solitude. But the change also makes me feel like I'm leaving you. That makes me sad. If I stay in winter, I stay with the ache of your death, but I also stay with the memory of the new life I thought was coming to share the winter with me. The first days you would have seen in the world would have been winter ones. Cool and icey, short days, long nights. This is where your identity would have begun. I'll never get to see you in the other seasons. Right now, January February March, right now is the time of year that you were never with me. You started growing in April. But right now I never had you. January February March.
They say that it is going to rain ice again soon. So winter has extended itself again. Maybe just for us.
Night, night Frost
Mama loves you.

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