Thursday, April 29, 2010

If only I were Alice, Then All I would Have to do Would Be to Eat a Tiny Cake

I have a pattern to my day. It consists of watching things that don't matter, and not doing things that need to be done. I listen to music during the day and wonder why I never made anything so beautiful. I disappoint myself and let myself get wrapped up in all of that shame. I know that I am talented, but I won't let myself show this. It's a feeling of not deserving, I must have done something wrong not to be able to keep you, Frost. It's a need to hide, I don't want to spread my bad luck to others by letting them know me. It's the embarrassment when I take a chance and the response is limiting. I will show myself a new way. Some days I do, but I get shoved back. Tattle-tells always mortified me. I will never tell on myself.
I look into each corner of the room. I see spots of light and spots of dark. Like I stared at the sun. It is too much for me to take in. The power of one image has taken away all of the rest of my senses. I can't feel anything else, I only know you. What I have is not the same, and what I will have could never have been without you.
I stared at the sun too long as a child. I twisted up on a swing and looked up. I remember doing this. I wonder if anybody noticed as I was sidetracked. My White-Rabbit was the day. I followed it until I was lost.
Night, night Frost
Mama loves you.

1 comment:

  1. You didn't do anything wrong! (I know...easy to say, hard to make yourself believe that) Hugs to you...