The Firmament

This weekend there were two birthdays. One in heaven and one here. What did you and Grandpa do for his birthday? We sent four balloons up; a yellow one, a blue one, a purple one, and a pink one. Did you get them? They went high and fast with the wind. They took off in the wrong direction for us to watch for very long. The birthday here was your sister's. Hadley turned eight. She has started looking for signs from you everywhere. Today she saw something in the clouds that she believed was a warning from you. She said that she saw a man emerge from the clouds and point a bow and arrow at us. I asked her which cloud she saw this in and she looked and answered that it had gone. I said what was it a warning of and she said that it meant that we should never go to the fortune teller. I don't know where this thought came from. We had not spoken of this before. I believe that she might fear the future a bit, because of the things that come up bad. She wants to keep her ignorant bliss for as long as possible. The soothsayer can keep her doomsday rabble to herself because I don't want to know either. We decided that we would heed the warning you sent us from the sky today.

The sky has become my connection to you also. I have been watching it, in all of its forms. Night, for stars and the moon. For whispy clouds and wind. Day for billowy sky-paintings and sun rays. For possible rainbows and sweeping birds. Stormy, bright, clear, blue, black, golden, setting, waking, split by electricity. All the ways the sky can go. The beautiful Firmament. To me it has become the veil that covers your new home. And by watching constantly I feel as though I might be able to peek through the layers and catch a glimpse of what I have lost. I've been taking pictures of these sky-paintings, trying to catch a calm through its gauziness. Morning and evening are a good time to do this. Tonight I caught a face in the clouds right next to a belly full of life. Hadley saw hearts marching over and over in a optical parade. Which one do you sit upon, Frost? Who do you play with? With the other babies? Today was our special Mother's Day and you darlings gave us precious gifts, the day was perfect here. The sky opened up for us like a giant greeting card, with nothing but words of purest love written in an ancient script that can never be read, only known.

Night, night Frost

Mama loves you.