Thursday, August 12, 2010

Shopping Cart Friend

I was caught off guard today. A little boy got to me. Other little boys showed up before and after him, I did not react to them. The boy was blond and interested. He had light eyes, blue or green, not like you. I kept my distance, I could feel something building. He was with his grandparents. He was curious, he was chubby. He was two or so. I was fine until he spoke. He pointed to a toy car and said "bipiple, byp-ciple!" He wanted the toy, he was learning to communicate, he was becoming himself. His voice was a kind, soft voice, and when I heard it I felt as though I was hearing you. That was when my composure fell away. I had been holding in the emotion so well lately. The boy gave it the power it needed to break free of my silly attempt at jailing it. I went away from him and thought that I had expelled all of the tears. I returned to my spot, his grandparents were lingering, so I watched him some more. I thought that I could be more thoughtful this time and try to notice the things about him that were not you. He was far away from you in looks and age, but something struck me to my soul, and I could not fathom what it was. I'll keep this feeling with me for a while the way I always do and then I'll let it go. I can't even really remember his face right now. All I know is that he had a calmness about him. I think that is what I needed and why I cried. Because I was so grateful for what was maybe a little clue into who you would have been.
When I came home today a blue and black butterfly flew infront of me and landed on the holly bush by the front door. It was strong and flew well despite the jagged piece torn from one of its wings. It rested for a bit, then lifted its body and flitted off around the corner of the house. I think I saw my heart fly up to me today. Tiny things can be so huge. I wish I had a picture.

Night, night Frost
Mama loves you.

No comments:

Post a Comment