Monday, August 30, 2010

Running through snowy streets yelling Merry Christmas

I listened to a song this morning and the lyrics began "I wish to Lord I'd never been born, or died when I was young." It made me mad. it went on to say how awful life was because the girl chose someone else over the singer. Well boo-hoo, I don't want to hear words like these. It reminded me of It's A Wonderful Life, the movie when Jimmy Stewart wishes he had never been born because his life has gotten too difficult. He gets to see what would happen if he had never been. Obviously it is worse without him. I know that my life is worse without you. I want the movie to show it the other way. I want the one who didn't get to live to have the chance to. If you wish hard enough maybe we can see how life would have been if you did get to live here. I want the song to say I wish to Lord that I had been born so that I could know the pain of love. So that I could feel the kiss of another. It breaks me up inside knowing that my baby will never get to fall in love and have children. I hurt for your absence, you dwell in an alien world. I want you to know what a papercut feels like, a burn, to be scratched by a pet cat, to cut teeth. I want you to know all of these pains because they come with hugs and kisses, fingers that wipe away tears. They come with the hum of an old tune, with back rubs and rocking in old chairs. All of the pain comes with love, but only if yoour person is there to share it with you.
How can I sooth you? I guess you don't need me to, since you are not here where everything hurts so deeply. I wish you could sooth me. You are a guardian angel, show me what life would have been like if my son had lived. We might hear a bell ring.

Night, night Frost
Mama loves you

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