Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I Sat In the Crunchy Leaves Again

I went back to the woods yesterday. I brought a friend to see you this time. I took Baxter for a walk and we ended up trudging through the muddy, broken corn field. He smelled the ground and pulled me all the way to the place I searched for you in December. Your dog loved being there. I asked him if he could find you. The grass is poking through the crusted earth now. There is a green that goes with the birdsong and cloudy shadows of spring. That shade of green is in your woods. We walked to the creek, it was running and muddied with the thawed dirt. Before, it trickled clear with the white of winter. It gave me the saame feeling though, even though the season had changed it. As we stood watching the water for signs, I realized I was standing next to a tree. I put my hand on the tree's bark, closed my eyes and forgot about the tug of the leash. I felt life under my palm. The stillest, strongest life that exists. What would I do if you had lived but never moved? What would I do if you had lived but lost part of yourself for a while each year? What would I do if we had to start over every year? I thought these things and then I knew. I knew that the tree did move, it moved up and out and down, though it kept it's movement all to itself. I knew that the tree didn't really loose a part of itself. It changed things to make room for what was to come. I knew that starting over is what we have to do to grow. We have learned so much from you Frost. You have taught us things just like nature has. I believe that you have become a part of nature. You are a part of everything around me now. I tried to feel a heart beat in that tree.
Night, night Frost
Mama loves you.

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