Thursday, December 18, 2014


There is a quiet today.
She is purring next to me with her face held to the sky.  Soft nose tickles to remind and test.
Your brother is sleeping right now.  Light breaths loud enough to tell me he is okay.  Reminding me of past worries.
The dark is setting in and my own breaths slow with the cold.  The blanket keeps him asleep longer than I should let him.  I let it.  I want this time alone to last.  Time to think of you.  With you.  With my five year old boy.  What do you know now?  How fast do you run?  Do you read stories long forgotten here?  I want to talk to you and be marveled at your boyhood wisdoms.  I want you to tell me you're too big to be held.  And here now are the tears I'd been waiting for today.  Part of my memory of your birthday.  I need them, I do.  They give me you in their own little way. 
Your snow came today.  It was the first of the season.  A late snow I think.  It was beautiful to wake up to the soft white outside my window.  Stillness, uninterrupted moments.  Something to keep. 
I set my memory by the snow and rain and wind.  You come with the snow.  Your brother with the wind.  Your sister with the rain.  My children, my reason.  Happy Birthday sweet Frost, I love you.  I will light your candles now.  Wish well.

Night, night Frost
Mama loves you

1 comment:

  1. Lighting a candle for Frost this evening <3
    Happy birthday sweet boy xo