Frost, you've been guiding me lately. I go to you nightly for help, for a way. You help me find that way through the heartache of carrying another child. I like to think that you bring me back to the joy of it. I get lost a bit and wrapped up in the hardships of everyday life. But then I talk to you and I am reminded that I should be happy. Only you and Hadley know what this little boy is learning now. Only you have grown within me. Please show him how to be strong and live.
I miss what my family was before everyone started dying. It began with my dad, everyone changed then. It feels smaller and farther away than when I was a child. I'm loosing more and more every year. It's getting so scant that tiny arguments devastate me because I feel like these will make my family slip away to nothing. I need this baby to help our family grow again, to help your sister feel a connection that I feel that I haven't been able to give her the way that I should have. It's not the same, it's not the same. I hope that loosing my family here means that your family is growing. Sometimes I feel like people left to be with you. Are they with you Frost? Did you meet your Great-grandma Wanda not too long ago? I loved her so. I loved her hands, I have pictures of them. I was there when she died, in the room with her and her family. I kept thinking of her with you for the first time. I kept thinking of her with your Great-grandpa Milton for the first time in 30 years. I kept thinking of her with her mind and her strength back. And as her breath and heart failed her I whispered into her ear "You hold my baby, Grandma, you can hold my baby for me now." After, I felt calm, so I know that she did just that.
Night, night Frost
Mama loves you
